About midday, I reached a quiet forest lake. I was growing quite hot in my armour, so I decided to strip off and dive in. I swam around for a bit, enjoying the feeling of the cool water against my skin and the warmth of the sun on my back, when I suddenly heard trilling laughter. "What's this? A knight caught off guard?"
I spun around and saw a tall woman in a long-coat and breeches, with a hat on her head and a cloth covering the lower half of her face. She was standing near the shore, close to the spot where I'd left my packs and clothes. In her hand was a longsword, and she held it like someone who knew how to use it. From her dress and manner, I suspected she was a highwaywoman.
"What do you want?" I said, swimming closer to her until I could stand on the lake bottom. I could have explained that I was no knight, merely an officer of the guards, but this seemed a poor moment for idle chatter.
"Those bags look heavy. I suspect that there are more than a few coins there, and I have decided to lighten your load – out of the goodness of my heart, of course. If you try to stop me, I will cut you down." There was a sparkle in her eye that suggested she was grinning, but the cloth made it hard to be sure. "And you presently appear to be ill-clad for combat."
I cursed; she was right to conclude that I had no desire to enter combat against an armed opponent while I was naked, but I also couldn't let her rob me. Since combat appeared to be inadvisable, I decided to try diplomacy. "Can't we talk about this?" I said, walking towards her with my arms raised. "I'm sure there is some way to –"
The highwaywoman had begun to search my packs, but she turned her head when I spoke. Suddenly, her eyes widened. "S-stop," she said, her voice strangely nervous. "D-don't come any closer!" She held her sword threateningly in my direction, but to my surprise, I could see her hand tremble.
Wondering what in the world was going on, I studied what little I could see of her face, and I had the impression that there was a blush in her cheeks – though it was hard to tell, particularly at this distance. I was standing roughly waist-high in the water, and I suddenly realized that it wasn't my face she was looking at. Her eyes were rather lower than that.
This seemed surreal. From her initial bravado, I had judged her to be an experienced highwaywoman, but it seemed the sight of a naked man made her squirm. Maybe she was less experienced in other areas than robbery.
My hands still raised, I walked rapidly towards her. As soon as my loins emerged from the water, the woman's eyes widened, and she turned her gaze away bashfully, clearly embarrassed.
By the time she finally remembered that it was unwise to take your eyes away from the person you are robbing while they are moving towards you, I had grabbed the wrist of her sword arm. She tried to struggle free, but I proved to be stronger and managed to disarm her. I threw the sword away, and she shrank before me. She was clearly a threat if she was armed and I was not, and it is possible she could have defeated me if we both had a sword, but with neither of us armed, there was no contest, and it was clear she knew it. I was naked, but while she was clothed, she was not wearing armour either.
She gave me a defiant glare. "I have no intention of ending up at the end of a rope, Sir Knight. You must kill me now, for you will never bring me in alive." She did her best to sound brave, but her eyes revealed how scared she was, and her voice was trembling even more than before.
"I do not kill unarmed women," I told her, "And I have no intention of dragging you through the forest until we find a town. Instead, I have another punishment in mind." Her eyes widened, and she probably wondered what I meant. Instead of telling her, I decided it was time to show her.
Still holding on to her wrist, I suddenly sat down on a fallen log and dragged her over my lap. She fell forward, landing on my naked thighs with a gasp. Before she could react, I had pulled her breeches and underwear down to her knees, landing the first of many smacks to her bare bottom.